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one afternoon and asked
waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked
across the restaurant
asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The
waitress nodded "yes," so
Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a
hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and
asked the Waitress for
cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the
restaurant and asked, "Is
Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the
Englishman said to give
Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches.
hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered,
"Hey there, sweet thang.
How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He,
too , looked acr oss
restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over
there?" The waitress once
more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a
cold glass of Coke, "On
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the
Irishman, touched him and
"For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishm an
felt the strength
back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him
and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his
back straig htening
and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a
series of back flips
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me...I 'm drawin' disability."
guy behind the counter replies" no. sorry we're a chippy, we sell fish and chips"
"ok" the duck says and walks out.
ten minutes later the duck comes back and asks the guy the same question, the guy replies" no, we're a chippy, we dont sell grapes, now piss off."
"ok sorry," the duck says and walks out.
ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the guy the same question again. the guy is mad now and tells the duck " listen you little shit, we dont sell grapes, we are a chippy, we sell fish and chips. if you ask me that in here again, i will nail your fucking webbed feet to the floor, now piss off.
ten minutes later the duck returns" hiya mate! have you any nails?"
the guy replies"NO!"
duck says" oh good, do you have any grapes?"
The old timer said, "Well how ya gonna talk nuclear proliferation if ya Don't Know Shit?"
As he took his seat the Jewish man growled, "THAT was for Pearl Harbor".
"Pearl Harbor?!!"...exclaimed the Chinese man, "Pearl Harbor was the Japanese; I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Japanese; same difference" snorted the Jewish man.
The two men went back to their beers, but eventually the Jewish man noticed that the Chinese man kept stealing sidelong glares at him. Finally the Chinese man got up off his barstool and lashed out with a lightning fast blow that sent the poor Jewish man flying off of his stool and onto the floor. As the barman again rushed over the Jewish man picked up his yarmulke and asked with some heat,"What was THAT for?!!!"
"THAT" said the Chinese man with great dignity, "was for the Titanic."
"The Titanic?! That was an Iceberg!" cried the Jewish man indignantly.
The Chinese man with dignity intoned,"Iceberg, Goldberg; same difference!".
"Id like some raisin bread please", the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he'd be.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he's having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips she's tired, irritated and thinking that she's really going to have to try this bread for herself!
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," says the old man, "But its startin' to twitch."
A: Lies awake all night wondering if there really is a DOG.
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