Two Masturbation Poems

"When you are old and gray and full of sleep, and nodding by the fire, take down this book and slowly read, and dream of the soft look your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep."
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Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:44 am  

My Right Hand
a poem by Wolf Larsen

I like my right hand.
In fact I love my right hand!
It's always there for me,
when I need it.
My right hand is always in the mood and always ready,
And I don't even have to take my right hand out to a fancy restaurant.
All I have to do is go to the sink and wash my hands.
What’s more, my right hand doesn't care if I'm unfaithful
And I can't get HIV from my right hand
Nor will my right hand ever get pregnant
I don't even have to wear a condom!
She's always there for me – my right hand – when I need her,
I love my right hand!
But I don't like to share the love of my life with other men,
And for that reason I often decline to shake hands.
What would I do without my right hand?
Do I really need marriage, mortgage payments, and a messy divorce?
Things are so much simpler with my right hand,
I love you right hand!

a poem by Wolf Larsen

Everybody was telling me it was time to get married,
So being a good Catholic I went to the priest and told him I wanted to get married,
"Where's your future wife?" he asked
So I held out my right hand and told the priest "here she is, here's my future wife!"
And the priest yelled at me "marriage is between a man and a woman!" And he promptly threw me out of the church.
So I went to the marriage bureau at City Hall.
I filled out the necessary paperwork and told the clerk I'd like to get married,
"Where's your future wife?" the clerk asked
"Here she is! Would you like to meet my future wife?" I said, offering up my right hand for a handshake.
The clerk laughed at me and told me that marriage is between a man and a woman
Meanwhile, everyone kept telling me it's time to get married.
So then I thought of my neighbor’s dog
Maybe I should marry my neighbor's dog?
After all, my neighbor’s dog is a woman!
And the dog and I are both very fond of each other!
So I borrowed my neighbor’s dog and dressed her up in a beautiful white wedding gown,
And I took her to the priest,
"Can we get married now?" I asked.
"What's this?!" demanded the priest.
"This is my neighbors dog, and she's a woman and I'm a man. Can we get married now?" I asked.
The priest got madder than ever and throw us both out of the church.
"That's no way to treat a dog!" I thought. "What a mean priest!"
So I went to City Hall with my neighbor’s dog to get married,
And you know what,
They wouldn't even let us into the building
"Dogs aren’t allowed!" said the big man in the uniform with the gun
So I went home
But even though I'm still single I think it's better this way,
I pet my neighbor’s dog with my left hand,
And I use my right hand for something else.
(No, not at the same time,
are you people sick or what? Ha ha!)
I get satisfaction from my hand,
And lots of love from my neighbor's dog,
So what should I get married for?

Both poems copyright 2012 by Wolf Larsen

Joined:Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:54 pm

Tue Jan 10, 2012 12:03 pm  

And then God created the vagina
If you are going to do something do it right or don't do it at all.

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Joined:Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:33 pm

Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:45 pm  

I see you love your right hand so much. This is a strange topic for me free games unblocked

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Mon Nov 14, 2022 8:04 pm  

In each mode there are varying difficulties that will help you improve if you want to play against better players or if you just want to have more fun. Other than that there are also special challenges available when playing against another player. stumble guys

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Sun Nov 20, 2022 5:53 pm  

You are so special. You want to marry with your own hands and not a girl. The content of the poem is very different
slope ball

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Sun Nov 27, 2022 6:57 pm  

Very cool but it needs protection and exclusive registration death run 3d

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Sun Nov 27, 2022 8:35 pm  

The poem's content is quite daring and strange tap tap shots

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Joined:Mon Jan 09, 2023 5:45 pm

Mon Jan 09, 2023 5:49 pm  

Very great, but it has to be registered and protected fireboy and watergirl

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Wed Jan 11, 2023 12:32 am  

When I read about people preparing their homes with food and toilet paper to spend months indoors during quarantine, I am taken back to the early days of quarantine slope unblocked. Wealthy, but with a sobering awareness of the need to be frugal.

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